I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
