I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
