after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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