It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
