Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
