we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
did i walk over a car last night?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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