fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
