My friends, they love my intelligence
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
