im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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