$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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