the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
