i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
