either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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