its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
