So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
