question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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