We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
