well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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