At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
