you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
