He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
