The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud