i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
