On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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