Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
