why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
3pm strippers are depressing
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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