It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
