We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
