he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
