And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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