From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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