I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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