you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
