but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
