Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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