my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
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Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
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I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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