So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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