I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
