I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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