you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
