I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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