he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
