Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
