Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
