at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
