There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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