a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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