I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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