The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
