Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
