So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
