I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
