i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
