I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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