You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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