Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
