this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
