Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
