umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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