i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
