I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
