Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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