Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If that was your dad, he is hot
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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