Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
