you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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