is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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