He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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