i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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