I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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