hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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