i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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