can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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