whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
