Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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